Parenting expert reveals how to de-escalate when kids act up

Don’t take the bait.

When your kids start acting up, the best way to deal with it is to “do nothing”, a parenting expert has revealed.

And it’s not about ignoring them – it’s about taking a beating to fix yourself before you address the problem.

“It regulates adults more — or at least initially — and that order of operations matters because when we regulate our emotions … that’s one of the biggest things that helps them regulate their emotions,” Dr . Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and mother of three, told TODAY.

In an Instagram video, Kennedy shared a scenario when he implemented the strategy.

“I just had the most relaxing and best morning with my kids before they go to school and I want to tell you exactly what I did to make that happen,” Kennedy said in the video.

She explained that her daughter started the morning complaining about breakfast, while her son complained about his dirty sweatshirt.

Kennedy admitted that she usually spent her energy trying to argue with her children, but instead decided to simply sigh in response.

“Today, I chose to do nothing,” Kennedy said in her video, explaining that she took a deep breath, gave him a knowing look, sighed and admitted, “You wish the sweater was clean,” and then watched as he chose another. .

“We had the most peaceful morning because instead of getting into a power struggle, or taking my kids’ words too literally, I just chose to do nothing,” Kennedy said in the video. “I highly recommend you try it.”

The parenting expert noted that children can tempt parents into power struggles, which usually end in crying and guilt.

“Nobody wins it all,” Kennedy told TODAY.

Instead, she advised parents to ignore their child’s first complaint. If a child doubles down on their issue, parents can simply say “OK” and move on.

“In this situation, parents have to choose between being effective over being fair,” she said, adding that, “Being fair is a lonely existence—if you’re right, somebody’s wrong… and you are adding fuel to the fire. “

If a child continues to complain, Kennedy said that telling them you believe them and acknowledge their frustration can ease their frustration.

“It depends on our goal … if you’re thinking, ‘My kid is so annoying and I’m not going to do anything!’ your child will feel … judged and small,” she explained.

“If instead you’re thinking, ‘My job is to manage my emotions and my child is having a hard time … then your child will feel that … as loving, supportive and courageous. .”

She explained that despite the name of the concept, “doing nothing” actually requires some effort.

“When I’m doing ‘nothing’ on the outside – meaning, I’m not baiting my kids – I’m actually doing a lot on the inside: I’m breathing, I’m talking to myself… I’m fixing myself on the inside, so I don’t I can ‘do anything’ from the outside,” Kennedy said.